He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
