Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
should my penis look like a turkey
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
