are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
