Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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