wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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