I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
