Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
