We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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