How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
