I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
