Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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