I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
