I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
