Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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