Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
