i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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