Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
