he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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