Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
