I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
