listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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