Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
