He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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