we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
