he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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