Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
