I will die if light touches me.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
