yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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