i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
