we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
