I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
