the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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