She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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