i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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