So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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