her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
