she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
