The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
