Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
