he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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