I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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