the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
