we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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