I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
now i know why i became what i already was.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
