Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
