It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
