You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
