i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
how drunk are you?
Several
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
