Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
