Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Will exercising make me less horny?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
