I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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