Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
