having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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