genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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