Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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