time to smoke my breakfast
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
