chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize