"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
