I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
