just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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