mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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