So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
