he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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