forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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