hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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