I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
