how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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