just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
