You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
