Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
