Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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