Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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