Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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