Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
