He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
